


little breezes (pushing him in all the wrong places)

by noctemlux



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ?? my first fic and..???, M/M, Unrequited Love, sorrysorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-23 15:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6121126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noctemlux/pseuds/noctemlux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's been born with it. The challenge of resurrecting every week, finding him before the time stops and everything restarts. They call him a dancer, but his feet can't find the directions.</p><p>- The clock ticks and he grows desperate.<br/>He only chases, he knows nothing of who chases him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the tags and relationship tags are not misleading. you have to read the whole thing (when i'm done tbh) to figure it all out. merci. ((and hopefully enjoy this))

Yixing realized this at 25 years old. He had lived through different settings and places, only at peace when he finds him. But the week starts over and his only objective is the boy with the mussed up hair, happiness is shortlived. He first thought of this as a chance to prove himself right, change his actions, but it is not. It is a game, in the week's time, he must find Jongin or his heart tears one by one. But the week starts over again and he is once more the bait of a never-ending game. 

He considered suicide. To rid himself of living through and through this hell but he doesn't. He puts down the pills and shoves them away because the only reason he kept going was to see Jongin smile. Spend a few days with him but be dragged away again to restart. Reality alters every 7 days and the grinding of his feet against the gravel reminds him of so.

Once, he was a mafia boss and Jongin was the rival. Another time, he was a coffeeshop barista and Jongin the always returning customer. It goes on and on, plots stolen out of books, running before the time runs out. The game is simple. Find Jongin and be happy, but wake up after days completely different and go on to find him once again. His age does not change nor his appearance, only his sanity. There is a catch though. He must make Jongin love him. If he fails to find Jongin in the time given or love him, pieces of his hearts are erased one by one, and when they're all gone, he is dead. By now, his heart has only one more piece left. Yixing cannot afford to lose. As he wakes up, He knows nothing of how Jongin looks, it is only the memories preserved but the visions erased. The feeling of him still lingers but there is no image to place it with. Yixing feels lost. 

And he knows the game is soon ending.

* * *

 

Yixing wakes up in a college dorm, he presumes, and shuffles out of his bed. The sound of snoring jolts him and he turns his head to see a blonde haired boy, snuggled up under the covers. His instinct moves his hand to wake the boy up, and it is in reflex that he utters his name.

"Luhan, wake up." Yixing does not know of Luhan in any of his past lives but the files in his mind work briefly and in split seconds, he knows everything.

"Just.. Just a minute." An eyeroll couldn't be contained inside at this point and Yixing sighs, moving towards his drawers, stuffed with clothes. The files shuffles once more in his head as he analyzes the life he will be living in the short time. He is 20 and a college student, majoring in the arts but a dancer on the side. His fingers shuffle through his drawers as he pulls out a t-shirt and shorts in a instant. Startled, he makes a move to open the window. The sun is shining and birds chirps from far away.

Luhan lets out a groan and covers his face with his blanket. Yixing cocks his head to the side because it was damn cold winter last week. How pleasant of a change. But as Yixing came to know, the more pleasant the situation, bad things come more so often. He throws on his shirt and shorts and heads to the bathroom for a cleanse. He does his morning routine, one that seemingly always changes everytime. This time, his reflex guided him to wash his teeth, mouthwash, and lift his shirt up for the security of knowing his abs still exist. It was a weird one.

He moves gracefully, like a dancer should, he muses, across the dorm floors. Granted, it was quite big and his actions bring him to wake up Luhan with a kick to the bed. Luhan cries out in complaint but wakes up and turns to smile oddly at Yixing. His only response was ignored. Luhan shakes his head and slams the door shut behind him as he enters the washroom. With the roommate part done, he glances around to see if he has anything guiding him in this week and notices the shiny screen of a phone on the desk. He lifts it up gingerly and notices the case is of a unicorn, he almost laughs because it's perfect and he turns it on.

He is happy to know that his phone has a fingerprint password and he presses his thumb to it. Notifications blast him from left to right as words pop up here and there. He checks on the time, 7:30 am, his class starts at 9 am so he has time to kill. Yixing scrolls through all his social media accounts and through all his friend's list. There are a few contacts starred as his priority, and he realizes that this was almost too easy. Kim Jongin's name flashes at him and the text is rushed, filled with emoji's, as carefree and happy as Jongin always was. 

Jongin is waiting for him so they can snatch breakfast together and there, once again, Yixing realizes this is  _too_ easy. They are best friends, both dancers and they stuck too each other like glue. Now this, Yixing thinks, is unsettling. It's not like them to program a situation so simple and so without challenge. He knows, in all things simple, there is a catch.

Yixing does not say goodbye to Luhan and leaves the building. He hums softly in the elevator and the door opens, reminding him that he is here. He steps out and readjusts his cap, he sees the pale silhouette of a nicely built man out at the entrance, next to him is slightly shorter man with a small smile and blush. It does not take a genius to know that they are lovers. But it took only a turn of a head to make Yixing shrivel up. Because the tall one was Jongin, and what the files would not let him know was that he had a boyfriend. 

Inseperable, lovers for 2 years. Yixing realizes at that very moment, that he is very much screwed. Somewhere else, someone else realizes the same.


	2. who would've thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yixing realizes things. they are not good things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy enjoyyyyyy!! :) feedback is very welcome ty

He is definitely screwed, he figures. As he greets Kyungsoo and Jongin, Yixing can't help but notice the ways they cuddle, little smiles here and there. Yixing feels a churn in his stomach and he does not like it one bit. In all the weekly challenges, he has never encountered Jongin in a relationship, it was always just him and Jongin. Yixing bites back his words and only smiles at the couple. 

"Where's Luhan?" Jongin nods at him, curious as to where Yixing's roommate had gone. Yixing only shrugs, not really caring but the way Kyungsoo glances at him makes him feel the need to answer. 

"Still waking up, you know how he is." This makes Jongin laugh, but there flurries of footsteps behind him and Luhan lands right beside Yixing in this little group. Yixing thinks Luhan had a flicker of sadness in his eyes but the next second, the face is lit up by a dazzling smile. Yixing does not think any more of it. He turns his attention back to the couple in front of him. There is something off to him about Kyungsoo, but he shakes it off and ignores Luhan's puppy pleads. Yixing turns his head. Jongin looks radiant, he smiles and his eyes almost disappear as he laughs. 

"Well, seems Luhan's woken up now." They nod at eachother in greeting and he leads the group of 4 out onto the sidewalk, cars race by with the small chirp of the birds. They walk and talk, Yixing tries to strike up conversation with Jongin but Kyungsoo has Jongin's full attention. It's heartbreaking, as Yixing looks on. They only walk for a few minutes until they stop in front of a coffee shop. The shop is pleasant color, burgundy bricks with a sign that says 'OPEN'. Kyungsoo pushes the door open and Yixing is hit with the strong smell of coffee and breakfast. There is the familiar sense of this place, as music softly fills the room with the bustling of customers rushing in and out. A tinkling laugh rings out the place as a barista makes coffee after coffee. 

He sees them and smiles, very much resembling a small baozi with teeth. Yixing realizes this is Minseok, his long-time friend and coffee shop owner. "Yixing! Luhan! Jongin! Kyungsoo! Hey, how are you guys?" Minseok places down the cup of coffee he's been making and slides it to the customer and wipes his hands on the towels nearby. "What can I get for you today?"

Yixing smiles and relaxes, knowing the dialogue he's supposed to follow. "The usual, Minseok, of course." Minseok laughs and nods, shaking his head as if asking himself why he even bothered to ask. Luhan jumps up and down with his never-ending energy, "Oh oh oh!! I want a croissant breakfast sandwich with a black coffee." Minseok quirks an eyebrow and sighs, heading to the back as another person steps up to work the cashier. Luhan turns to Jongin and Kyungsoo and they converse amongst themselves. Yixing is left out of the conversation as he hums a chinese song and waits for his order. As he sneaks a glance at their conversation, Jongin is pouring up heavy affection upon Kyungsoo who seems to be very unbothered. They do this often. He wrings his wrist and looks down at his phone, it was 7:45 am. Yixing glances around and listens to the soft music playing in the background and he starts to drum his fingers against his side as his feet try hard not to move.

Jongin notices this and laughs. "Yixing, you're just born a dancer, aren't you?" He hooks his arms back to Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo glances at Yixing. Yixing smiles back, one that he knows his dimples would be showing and as Kyungsoo began to open his mouth, Minseok is back. He shoves the steaming cup of tea in Yixing's hands with his box of food. After a murmured thanks, Yixing rushes to find a table for the four of them. He picks one next to the store window, and sits down as he brings his drink to his lips. The tea is slightly sweet with a hint of mint. Yixing realizes then that he is actually quite hungry, so he opens his little box and finds a grilled cheese alongside a few biscuits. He puts the tea down and brings the grilled cheese as he takes a vicious bite. It is delicious and he closes his eyes happily to savor the taste.

Once he opens them again, the three of them are all smiling and sitting down. They each have their own customized order and Yixing notices Jongin has ordered a black coffee and scrambled eggs. He almost dropped his sandwich. Jongin was a dancer, but for all Yixing knew, don't they usually eat more than just that? He peers ever more closely at Jongin and notices the way his eyes are brighter than before scenarios and his smile seems genuine. Luhan notices his peering and whispers, "He eats more at lunch, don't worry." Yixing nods and stares at the couple infront of him.

It is with sad realization that he succumbs to the truth. Maybe it was the way Jongin laughed or smiled but obviously, Kyungsoo makes Jongin happy.

This does not make Yixing feel better and the grilled cheese in his hands smell rotten. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao horrible ending i'm so sorry.


	3. won't we meet again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yixing lives a happy moment, but as always, it's short-lived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok wow i lied - this does not seem to be ending anytime soon (maybe max. 10 chaps??)  
> i have no clue bc this is legit free form flow.

Yixing cannot cross the boundaries with Jongin and the next day, he lives with the fact that he is going to die. It is late at night, when he's shuffling composition after composition in the dim light of the dorms, that he receives a text. 

_jong(b)ae : hihihihihi xing xing!! you haven't talking to me in forever!! i feel neglected :(_

Yixing only furrows his eyebrows in confusion and looks through the files again to see who this possibly could be. He is met with astonishing results. Kim Jongdae. Medical major, happy-go-lucky, amazing singer and importantly, Yixing's boyfriend. Now that, was just surprising. Out of all the things to happen, he has never been with someone because it's always been about Jongin. Yixing picks up his phone and scrolls through photos and photos of him and Jongdae. The man was attractive, to say the least. He had black swept-up hair with an amazing jawline and the most adorable smile. He seemed nice. 

He types back a response as he trys to be normal and controlled.

_hey jongdae, sorrrry i was just busy with my studies!! (;-;)_

It seemed familiar and comfortable to send emojis to Jongdae and he pressed sent. The typing bubble soon popped up and Yixing finds himself more drawn into this supposed boyfriend. All compositions shoved aside, his priority is replying and talking to Jongdae who just seems to be so full of life. After hours of talking, Yixing is laughing to his puns and jokes and smiling every time the notification of Jongdae pops up. It is a nice feeling, stirring in his heart and in that moment, he forgot all about this little game. It is just him and Jongdae in a happy little world. 

The creak of a door jolts Yixing from his thoughts and he sees Luhan standing by the doorway, tired but smiling. "Hey, did you just come back?" He asked, curious as to where his roommate could lurk at such late times. Luhan shrugs, yet still grinning and tells him that he was out studying, per usual. As Yixing calculates his response, the files show to him that this is indeed normal for Luhan and so he lets it just sit. He tells Luhan goodnight and with a wave of his hand, Luhan disappears. He resumes typing on his laptop and slips his headphones on to listen to his newly created beat. Notes after notes are written out as he awaits Jongdae's replies. His phone lights up and it's Jongdae saying goodnight because he has to prepare for exams tomorrow and Yixing types back a response consisted of thumbs-up emojis and words of encouragement. The clock reads 1:55 am and Yixing decides he should go to sleep too. All thoughts of Jongin fly out of his head because Yixing realizes he does love Jongdae, but how is he going to be able to win this game? But soon, his eyes shutter close and his breath steadies out, entering his dreams.

* * *

It is a Saturday morning and Yixing's first thought is that he's sorry Jongdae has to endure a test on the weekends. But he shrugs it off and considering it's normal for students, hops off his bed to wake up Luhan in the next room. Except Luhan is nowhere to be seen. Yixing scratches his head in confusion because Luhan usually never wakes up this early, it's a weird feeling but Yixing thinks he probably went off to get food, or maybe went to exams too. 

He makes a move to close the door to Luhan's room but he finds himself unwillingly drawn to Luhan's desk. On it, was a letter, neatly sealed and scribbled with his name on it. The desk is empty except for the letter. Yixing has a bad feeling about this but he gingerly lifts up the letter anyways and opens it, cringing when the rip of the envelope echoed in the now empty room. 

_Hey Yixing, it's Luhan. You might not actually remember me anymore but if you do, great. I know about your game. I know what the rules are. I know because I'm in it too. I have been chasing too, for all my life, much longer than you have but I can't anymore. I have failed already, this was the last week._

Yixing eyes widen with each word, choking back rushed words, questions, and his legs weaken and end up landing on the newly-made bed. There were more out there like him? Luhan too? Who was Luhan chasing? He continues reading, hoping to find more answers.

_You might or might have not noticed that my items have all disappeared, they are all gone. My existence has been erased and the HQ has allowed me to write one letter, only to you. Only because you are playing this game too. Yixing, they have promised me a normal life after this. One where I could actually fall in love, live a life, grow up and make real friends. It is promising and they have traded it for all my memories of everyone, and this game I've been playing. But I just want to say, who was I really chasing? I know you're often dense because it's you. It's always been you and fuck, you tear me apart. Yixing, have you ever woken up somedays, and it felt like you were sleeping for weeks? That's because I was going after you, chasing you. You just don't remember. Now you're just so happy with Jongdae, I can't bear to break you apart no matter how much my heart can't handle it. I'm so sorry Yixing. I just hope I'll see you soon, even if I won't recognize you and you won't know of me._

_Sincerely,_

_Luhan._

Yixing finds himself collapsing, head landing back on the plush pillows. His mind stirs with questions, but he is conscious enough to notice the letter fading away, the smell of Luhan's cologne fading, his pictures, works, posters are all slowly going invisible. It is after only a few minutes, the room is empty. A force pushes Yixing automatically out of the room and when he turns around, the room is no longer there. The door is gone and he finds himself in a dorm, alone, with no roommate. 

Gone is the smell of coffee, and Yixing rushes to the bathroom, but traces of Luhan are also gone. It is at this moment, Yixing realizes how blind he was. He was responsible for causing the pain of Luhan for so long and he crumbles into despair. He leans against the bathroom door and his tear stream down like a waterfall. Yixing is soon sobbing because oh god, Luhan, sweet, happy Luhan is gone and Yixing will probably never find him again. Even if he does, he won't remember him or be able to say sorry or anything. He curse the HQ for being so cruel but he blames it mostly on himself.

It is 2 hours later, Yixing wakes up from the cold bathroom floor and notices his eyes are red and puffy. The person staring back at him in the mirror is not him, it is only a ruined person. He thrusts open the medicine cabinets and goes from bottle to bottle. Pulling out anything that could be distinguished as a pill. Rows of pills sit in front of him and Yixing leans forward to grab the first one. 

He can't live like this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok on the bright side guys, i'm not going to kill yixing off?? like he's the main guy ofc i won't.  
> also prepare yourself, i'm gonna edit some of the tags along the ways bc my mind changes plans very very quickly but stick with me


	4. reality fades into memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally, yixing gets a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second last chap!! thinking of ending this on the fifth chapter ohohoho.

Yixing wakes up with a throb bursting in his head. The room is frigidly cold, and as he opens his eyes, it’s blindingly white. He is no longer in the washroom and the pills aren’t by his side anymore. In fact, as he shuffles his body around, he’s not even wearing the right clothes. His current ensemble was fully white, a t-shirt and ripped jeans. The room he is in has no exit except one door, Yixing slowly stands up and groans at the agonizing pain that jolts through his body. He dusts himself off and heads to the door, turning the knob and is faced with numerous people in blue. 

One notices him and gasps, grabbing the speaker in their hands and whispering  something before rushing off. In a blink of an eye, there stands a man in front of Yixing. He is awfully tall, his hair falling just above his eyes and he sports casual blue clothes. He smiles. “Hi, I’m Park Chanyeol. HQ’s Advisor.”

Yixing finds himself smiling a bit, but eyes widen when he hears the words HQ. “Is this… HQ? The ones behind this game?” He asks, shuffling his feet around because he can’t find it in himself to look up. A deep chuckle resonates and he looks up again.

Chanyeol is smiling at him and bowing slowly, hands clasped behind his back. “Yes, HQ, the ones that have set you up in these scenarios.” Chanyeol frowns a bit, eyes frantically moving around. “I think we should talk in a more private area, one where we can settle a few things.”

He leads Yixing into a small confined room and folds his hand together, gesturing for Yixing to sit down. He leans back in the plush seat and stares at the man in front of him. Chanyeol smiles, and pulls out a tablet, the screen flickering in colors. On it, Yixing notes is Luhan, happy and smiling with what Yixing thinks is a dog. 

“You recognize him right? Luhan? He left the letter for you and is now living a happier life. Free from all our weekly bothers.” Chanyeol signals something with his hand and two cups of hot tea, aroma filling the room, appear. He takes a sip. “You see, HQ has done this with every person that has existed. They’ve all gone through what you are doing right now. After 100 failed weeks, or when they give up, we give them the choice to work here or get their memories wiped and live a normal life.” 

Yixing remembers Luhan telling him about this, he must’ve gone through this exact same procedure. Chanyeol glances at him from the rim of his cup of tea, “We’re offering you the choice right now too.”

Yixing realizes that  _ this  _ is it. What he has always wanted, freedom, a normal life. But all that comes out of his mouth is the incoherent, “Why?”

Chanyeol tips his head to the side, “Why what?”

Yixing looks up, a fiery gaze and bites back a few words, “Why have you done this? You know, ruining people.” He looks away, ashamed almost, and takes the time as Chanyeol ponders the question to stare at his tea. "It isn't fair."

The man in blue shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his seat. “This is a soulmate experience. We are trying to create something so we can identify who is right for whom. Changing and altering experiences to see if they end up even after all the circumstances.” 

Yixing gapes, seethed with anger, “So you treat us like  _ lab rats _ ?”

“Lab rats? Oh goodness no. These pairings, you and Jongin, Luhan and you, they aren’t picked out randomly. We form love triangles, form relationships between the most unlikeliest of people and see if anything happens. There is the scientific aspect of course, but that happens in the actual lab with the chemical reactions.” Chanyeol stares at him pointedly, “We gave you a very rare week, with Jongin being in a relationship, you also. We wanted to see if you would last or if you would leave Jongdae for Jongin.”

“You didn’t.” Yixing eyes blur with tears and he feels his cheeks burn, curling and uncurling his fist. He glares at Chanyeol, “I felt like I really loved Jongdae.”

Chanyeol smiles again, a knowing smile. “I know.” His smile wipes off quickly and he leans forward across the table. “But you still need to make a choice.”

“Us or have the life you dreamed of? Your memories will be wiped but you can keep them if you stay with us. But if you choose the life you always wanted, everything from your brain wipes out and you go about living the life fate has set up for you.”

Yixing doesn’t need to think twice to know what his choice would be.

* * *

Yixing sits quietly in the now blue room. Scrolling through pictures and videos of every experience with Jongin. A shy tear rolls down his cheek, because he'll miss Jongin. He'll miss the way Jongin smiled and laughed and kissed him. He'll miss everyone he has encountered in this life. The burning pit in his stomach opens up as he looks after memory after memory, some from weeks he has never remembered. Some when Luhan was chasing him. 

Chanyeol told him to take all the time he needed, but Yixing has had enough. He closes the monitor and presses the button. People dressed in blue walk in, asking if he was ready. Yixing nods frantically, wishing this to just be over with.

They take him to another room, with a large chair. He sits down and the people exit with the door closed behind them. Lights start swirling, pictures flicker after every picture. A blur enters his mind and he bites back his tears and squeezes shut his eyes.

_Goodbye._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looking back, this looks pretty bad tbh. but hey, chanyeol suited the role so i was like 'whaTEVER throw him in there'.  
> leave feedback!! it's always appreciated.
> 
> approximate next chapter: around april lmao bc i'm lazy and also have a vacation i gotta get too for the next weeks.

**Author's Note:**

> well my first fic on ao3 and wow @ this bc it's not the greatest. two-shot or three-shot most likely. I won't leave y'all hanging like that.
> 
> *how was it? leave comments and kudos!! anything helps.


End file.
